Kim Kardashian Superstar Interview Guide

Some critics say you’re famous for... nothing.

She’s a mogul. A muse. A master of the selfie. For the first time ever, she sits down for the interview the world has been waiting for. Please welcome... the one and only... Kim Kardashian .

(Adjusts hair, doesn't blink) . Of course. I’m so honored. But can we please turn down the lights? My right contour is catching a shadow.

Speaking of business—SKIMS is worth billions. What’s the secret? kim kardashian superstar interview

(Stands up. Poses. Checks her phone.)

What about the viral moment where you lost your diamond earring in the ocean?

(Laughs, a single, elegant "ha") . Nothing? Honey. Getting dressed for the Met Gala takes 300 hours. That’s not nothing. That’s exhausting art . Also, I passed the baby bar. What have my critics passed? Probably a judgmental note under a bathroom stall. Some critics say you’re famous for

(Tears up perfectly—one single tear, no smudging) . I prayed to Saint Laurent that night. And you know what? The ocean gave it back. That’s not luck. That’s manifestation . Or maybe a really good diver. Either way, I made it a reality show plot.

Final question. What is the meaning of life?

(Sips Diet Coke dramatically) . You know... people don't realize. It’s a lot of work. One time, I cried for 47 minutes because my SKIMS shapewear roll wasn't seamless. But then I looked in the mirror, and I thought... wow . Even the tear tracks are iconic. A muse

(Already walking away, calling over shoulder) . I know. Text my assistant for the quote approval. Bye, beautiful people.

[SCENE OPENS. A CHAOTIC, ALL-PINK STUDIO. CONFETTI CANNONS. DRAMATIC REALITY TV STINGS PLAYING.]

Kim. Thank you for being here.

Done. Let's get into it. You’ve been called the most famous person of the 21st century. How does that feel?

That's... actually kind of deep.