And Irina. Show 1 - Daphne

You’re a monster.

(puts phone down) Whoa. That was almost profound. Say it again so I can pretend I thought of it first.

(long pause. Then a slow grin.) That’s not profound. That’s mean . I love it. (beat) Okay, Show 1, Rule 1: Daphne is not allowed to arrange anything for the rest of the day. Daphne And Irina. Show 1

Fruit cartography. You’ve lost your mind. (She finally looks up) What’s the theme of today’s show, by the way? Last week was “Do I have a personality, or just good taste?” The week before was “Is my ex a narcissist or just French?”

Finally. Something you’re bad at.

(without looking up) If you rotate that apple one more time, I’m going to film it and put it on the internet. Title: Woman Declares War on Produce.

(laughing despite herself, reaching for the coffee cup) I hate this show. You’re a monster

And you’re a control artist who just got evicted from her own fruit bowl. (She steals the apple and takes a loud bite) Camera two, close up on anarchy.

(placing the last grape with tweezers) Today’s theme is control. Say it again so I can pretend I thought of it first

It’s a Gala, Irina. Not an apple. Galas have symmetry. Red is at 2 o’clock. Green is at 8. This is basic fruit cartography.

No, you don’t. You love it. Because for once, you’re not the one writing the script.