"I chose my mother," says "S" from Medan. "Because in my kampung, if I accused her of being mesum , I would be the outcast. They would say I was a bad child who made up stories. My husband left. Now my mother denies everything. I have no one." The most dangerous aspect of the Skandal Mertua Mesum is not the act itself—it is the cover-up. Families pay off neighbors. Pak RT (neighborhood head) mediates in secret to avoid memalukan (shaming) the family name. Police reports are rare because perbuatan cabul (obscene acts) by a lansia woman is seen as a "family problem," not a crime.
When a mother sleeps with or tries to steal the daughter’s husband, it is an Oedipal betrayal reversed. In Indonesian culture, where berbakti kepada orang tua (devotion to parents) is sacred, the daughter faces an impossible choice: believe her husband and accuse her own mother (a sin in many religious interpretations), or call her husband a liar and lose her marriage. Skandal Mertua Mesum Sama Menantu 3gp
But beneath the tabloid sensationalism lies a complex fault line in modern Indonesian society. When a mother-in-law (mertua) crosses the line into sexual deviance—whether through an affair, seducing a younger man, or, in extreme viral cases, making advances on her own son-in-law—it does not just break a marriage. It breaks the gotong royong (mutual cooperation) that holds the extended family together. In 2023, a video from North Sumatra went viral: a woman in her 50s, dressed in a kain sarung , was caught by neighbors in a compromising position with a man young enough to be her son. The comments section was a war zone. "Lanjut usia kok masih nafsu?" (Why does an elderly person still have such desire?) one user asked. Another quipped, "Ini namanya 'moyang foya-foya'" (This is a partying ancestor). "I chose my mother," says "S" from Medan
In lower economic strata, a mertua might live in the same kontrakan (rental house) as the newlyweds. There is no privacy. She hears everything. Over time, a mix of jealousy toward her daughter’s youth and proximity to the menantu can warp into obsession. The Collateral Damage: The Daughter The forgotten victim is always the daughter—the wife. My husband left
In Indonesia, we say orang tua digugu lan ditiru (parents are followed and imitated). But what happens when the parent leads the family into the abyss? It is time to stop whispering and start healing.
The public reaction reveals a deep cultural hypocrisy. In Indonesia, a nation with the world’s largest Muslim population, lansia (the elderly) are expected to be paragons of virtue—pious, asexual, and focused only on grandchildren and the afterlife. When a mertua acts on sexual desire, the shock is amplified by the perceived betrayal of role. The most devastating variant of this scandal is when the mother-in-law targets her own menantu (son-in-law). In a patriarchal society like Indonesia, where the mertua traditionally holds significant power over the menantu , this dynamic is toxic.
Consider the case of "R" (name withheld) from Depok. "My wife thought I was lying," R told this writer. "Her mother would 'accidentally' walk into the bathroom when I was showering. She sent me kisah mesum links at midnight. When I told my wife, she said, 'She’s just being a caring mom.' When I finally showed the screenshots, my wife blamed me for seducing her mother."